Jokes

General topics - anything goes within reason, keep it civil.

Postby Clue » Fri Sep 19, 2008 9:16 pm

A doe walks out of the woods and says, "I'm never doing that for two bucks ever again".
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Postby 10up » Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:32 pm

you're not the girl you think you are
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Postby Cydisc » Sat Sep 20, 2008 3:05 pm

Ping pong balls? I thought you said King Kong balls.
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Postby Kelly K » Mon Jan 26, 2009 3:15 pm

bump. this thread was back 4 pages!
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Postby irban » Fri Jan 30, 2009 4:32 pm

Image
~~~- ¥
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Postby Sniper26 » Fri Jan 30, 2009 7:12 pm

Always Check Your Child's Homework!


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(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith
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Postby The Donator » Thu Feb 26, 2009 1:34 pm

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I speak my mind, cuz bitin' my tongue hurts
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Postby Single L » Thu Feb 26, 2009 1:46 pm

^^^^
Good stuff ......... Last week Jay Mohr Filled in for Jim Rome and was hilarious .......... Jay Mohr as David Caruso CSI Miami
"I'm not impressed with aces of any kind. 95% of the time, they're just bad shots that got lucky and happened to hit the chains. Otherwise, they'd have sailed 50' past the hole." ~ Cydisc
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Postby The Donator » Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:06 pm

Couple more...

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I speak my mind, cuz bitin' my tongue hurts
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Postby Single L » Thu Feb 26, 2009 4:48 pm

^^^^
Cartoon Fail :P

Why is Horatio putting glasses on when he already has some on?
"I'm not impressed with aces of any kind. 95% of the time, they're just bad shots that got lucky and happened to hit the chains. Otherwise, they'd have sailed 50' past the hole." ~ Cydisc
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Postby Nick Strut » Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:05 pm

Hear about the gay midget? Came out of the cupboard. :lol:
Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time.
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Postby 10up » Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:11 pm

I really didn't think you could find a lame punchline with a gay midget.... :?
you're not the girl you think you are
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Postby rightcunnin » Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:56 pm

porkchop wrote:^^^^
Cartoon Fail :P

Why is Horatio putting glasses on when he already has some on?

Because he's a huuuuuge fan of Airplane!
I'm sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours.
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Postby rightcunnin » Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:19 pm

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened
frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and
knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and
asked what he wanted. He said, ‘I want to have sex with one of the women
inside. I have the money and I’m not leaving until I do.’
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told
him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, ‘Do any of the girls have
any diseases?’ Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, ‘I heard
all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. So
THAT’S the girl I want!’
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the
Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall
dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minut es later he came back, still
dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the20door. The Madam
stopped him and asked, ‘Why did you pick the only girl in the place with
a disease, instead of one of the others?
He said, ‘Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are
going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my babysitter.
After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just
happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just
caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the
way, he’ll jump her bones, and he’ll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets
home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom
will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will
deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease…and HE’S
the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!’
I'm sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours.
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Postby rightcunnin » Wed Jul 08, 2009 9:29 pm

Why Sentence Structure Is So Important.....

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Mary or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hangover

after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said:


'Mary, I've never done this before, but I either have to

lay you or Jack off.'

'Could you jack off?' she said......'I feel like crap.
I'm sorry that the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours.
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